Welcome back degenerates, heartbreakers, and future last-place finishers. Fantasy football season officially kicks off this Thursday, which means two things are certain:

You’re convinced your team is unstoppable.

By Sunday night you’ll be staring at your roster wondering why you didn’t just take up knitting.

Here’s a quick look at the storylines heading into Week 1:

The Stars You’ll Overthink
Every year someone benches a stud because “the matchup looks tough.” Don’t do it. If you drafted Justin Jefferson, you play him. If you took Christian McCaffrey, you play him. If you get too cute and start your sleeper wideout instead, congratulations—you’re the reason we exist.

The Waiver Wire Hero in Waiting
By Monday morning, someone sitting on your league’s waiver wire will be an instant must-add. You’ll see 17 group chat texts screaming “GET THIS GUY.” Then you’ll drop a player you actually needed to chase a one-week wonder who scores 3 points the next game. Tradition.

The Thursday Night Trap
Thursday night openers are dangerous. If your guy goes off, you’ll spend the weekend talking reckless in the chat. If he lays an egg, you’ll spend 72 hours refreshing your app and spiraling into trades you’ll regret. Either way, it sets the tone for your entire mental health trajectory until Monday Night Football ends.

The Excuse Season Begins
Week 1 is also when excuses get their warmup reps. “It’s just one week.” “My guys need time to gel.” “The turf looked slippery.” Keep repeating these until you start 0–4, then panic-trade your best player for two bench warmers.

Final Word
Remember: nobody wins their league in Week 1, but plenty of people manage to lose it. Don’t tilt, don’t bench your stars, and for the love of all things sacred—don’t let your kicker be the highest scorer on your team.